Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Xim74's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, March 18th, 2008
8:57 pm	Well, it's been a while since I've done anything LiveJournal related. So, I might as well update for old time sake. The only things that have recently come up is the upcoming Anime Boston, which like every year, I'm not even prepared for. I was hoping to try and cosplay, but if I even try to at this point, it'll be half-assed. The only thing I could see me doing is maybe a Gary or Drew from Pokemon. However, I don't have the boots, and I haven't even made any attempt to play with my hair at all. For Drew, I'm not quite sure if I wanna dye my hair green either. At this point, there doesn't appear to be too much that I can do. The only exciting thing by far is the appearance of LittleKuriboh (creator of "Yu-Gi-Oh! the Abridged Series"). Other than that, I'll prolly wind up the video gaming room hoping to kick some ass in Super Smash Bros Brawl (which is a super sweet game!!) or even Tenkaichi 3 (once I start playing it again). Plus, I owe Adam the box set of Ah! My Goddess since I STILL can't seem to find those damn DVDs he let me borrow. Between that and my Dragon Ball Z decks, I seem to be losing stuff no matter where I go. Other news, I'm car shopping since my Maxima is the worst fuel-efficient car I could ever get my hands on. Plus, it's got over 210,000 miles on it. However, it's gonna be so painful when I trade that car. All the good times I've had with that car. Amazingly, I got 3 1/2 years out of it. Still, it's the sentimental value it holds, and I know getting another Maxima is outta the question. I can't have a fun car, not in this day and age. Corolla's are looking pretty good, but it's more a matter of looking at what's good. By far, it's between the Corolla (which 2 people I know already own one [Dana with an '03, and Jen with a '98 i think]) and the Honda Civic. However, I hear on the Civic, the new models suck since you can't see any of your blindspots and you can be quick to hit curbs. I still gotta test drive some, but it's a pain in the ass to deal with the dealers, especially when they want you to leave with a car on the same fucking day. That gives you no time to think, but it's them trying to make a quick buck, but whatever. We all do, I suppose. Anyway, I think I'm good for now, but I'll you know what I come back with... Later. Current Mood: blank Current Music: "Sky Is Over" - Serj Tankian (lead singer of System of a Down) (Comment on this)
Monday, January 28th, 2008
9:32 pm	Well, I'm gonna try again at my writing pieces. This one talks about my old man, but since then, things have been a tad better. However, it was something I was feeling at the time. Let Me Be Me   It's the same with you; it's "Get my shit together!" However, take your own advice and maybe it'll be better After all, this world is monkey see, monkey do I'm your kid, and like everyone says, I take after you   I try too much to be nothing like what you are I'm found to be too close when I try to run so far Away from you, but I can't... Just let me be me, but why can't I be?   I show compassion, and you show your hate for life It'd be a miracle if you ever find yourself a wife However, I don't expect it, nor much else. Hell The next time you strike me with your words, I'll say I fell (I tend to cover for your lies anyways)   I try too much to be nothing like what you are I'm found to be too close when I try to run so far Away from you, but I can't... Just let me be me, but why can't I be?   Oh my god, my legs! My legs won't move. Here you come again, pushing me You've pushed too far this time, old man! You're finally gonna take what's coming to ya!   Feel that, old man? It's a fist! Why don't you take the punches this time? Do as I had to, "Take it like a man!" Oh, what's wrong, you're crying? "Suck it up, you little bitch!"   I try too much to be nothing like what you are I'm found to be too close when I try to run so far Away from you, but I can't... Just let me be me, but why can't I be?   I try too much to be nothing like what you are I'm found to be too close when I try to run so far Away from you, but I can't... Just let me be me, but why can't I be?   It'll never happen though. I'm already you... Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: "Lithium" - Evanescence (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008
8:48 pm	Well, I decided to try and give writing a try for the hell of it since I need things to occupy my time. So, I'll post up a couple to get you started with: Our Happy Days The time has come for me to slowly go about my way Somehow, I can't help but feel as though I'm slowly drifting away I care too much is the problem, but why? Everything about you disgusts me, but yet I continue to cry I want everything to be as it once was, because I can't cope I want everything to be good again, but I won't raise my hopes To be brought into the light, then thrown away back into dark, maybe It shows that all you'll get is your 15 minutes of glory But again, I ask, why did you hurt me? We were the ones who felt for one another, made each other feel right But now I feel your resentment as you squeeze my heart tight The cinders are turning dim as well as your eyes So, how did I end up falling into more of your lies? I want everything to be as it once was, because I can't cope I want everything to be good again, but I won't raise my hopes To be brought into the light, then thrown away back into dark, maybe It shows that all you'll get is your 15 minutes of glory But again, I ask, why did you hurt me? I want nothing more than for you to leave my head. I need what I can to let go of this pain, and begin to shed The skin off myself and burn to the ground our happy days. Just burn to the ground those god damn happy days! (Don't you get it? Those times suck!) I want everything to be as it once was, because I can't cope I want everything to be good again, but I won't raise my hopes To be brought into the light, then thrown away back into dark, maybe It shows that all you'll get is your 15 minutes of glory But again, I ask, why did you hurt me? Why did you have to hurt me? Why did you have to fucking hurt me? (You know what? Fuck you!)  That was to get it started. More that I have written are on my MySpace Blog if you wish to view more. For now, this is all you'll see here. Current Mood: creative Current Music: "Into the Night (feat. Chad Kroeger)" - Santana (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 25th, 2007
10:41 pm	I'm going on a trip I'm taking the time to go with my family to see Mike's family in Missouri. However, I also want to take the time I have going out there to try and maybe find out more of who I am. I've been falling behind in doing so, and I hate that it's taken me this long to try and find something. I guess what I expect is too much out of life, even though I don't often show it. Unlike people, I don't necessarily need material things, but it's exciting to have when you have them. So, they're a plus in a way. However, I guess what I want is to find answers as to what I want, what I need, and what I've been doing. Hopefully, everything will get sorted out in my head, because too much is cluttered in there. It's like dealing with my car on its many bad days. Although, I'm with my family, it's getting away from Massachusetts for a little while that might help. I can't help but feel trapped here, in a sense. It's mainly because I've started getting close with people again. I guess I need to just learn to be a little more assertive and an ass at times. Maybe then, some people will actually stop giving a rat's ass about me. As much as I hate bragging, at times, I'm practically the center of the universe when it comes to my friends. I, now, actually fear the day I die, because of how many people could actually be there. Anyways, maybe time away will do me some good since apparently when I rant, it gets to be too dark, and it gets tiresome to be like this. However, it feels like it's second nature in a sick sense, to just constantly bitch about people and life. Somehow, I must be emo, and yet I'm the only emo who smiles and shows great excitement for things. I'll get my head on straight, but I just need to find out how. Maybe in the women department, I'll grow up and stop being attracted to the impossible, or just learn to actually feel good with the right someone again... See you come the 31st! Current Mood: indifferent Current Music: "Things Will Go My Way" - The Calling (Comment on this)
Monday, December 17th, 2007
7:46 pm	this madness in my head and heart have to stop! i'm finding myself liking people i shouldn't be liking. if anything, i should see it being hopeless, and that i don't even stand a chance. Natalie... you're too much of a free spirit, and you seem to be walking a dangerous path at this point. the reason i'm finding myself around you now is because i'm trying to protect you as a friend. however, my heart screams for you for some odd reason, but i'm trying to make it stop. i hate myself for this! i become too emotionally attached when i shouldn't be at all, especially with the shit shape i'm in now. i hate how such ideas conspire. if anything, we just started as friends, and i happen to think she was attractive as well. still, people push ideas, and that fucks me in the long run. i didn't want to think of Natalie being more. it's possible, but what if it's not? then i lose Natalie as a friend, and i don't want that. besides, i'm better off as a friend. that's probably all i'm good for anyways. i shoot for the impossible too much, and i shouldn't let it happen. she's into scum bags a lot, and i can't really see why. then again, every person dates their share i'm sure. still, i'm a good person who wouldn't try and mistreat anyone, but obviously that's not good enough. i just need to realize a hopeless situation i suppose, but then why does it feel right? why do i feel like i have that chance to make something happen? i just want some clarity on this; where am i gonna go with this and with her? Current Mood: confused Current Music: "Some Say" - Sum 41 (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 16th, 2007
2:01 pm	i'm suppose to be studying for an upcoming French Final, but i'm absolutely bored outta my mind. still, all i can do is study, and then reminisce on the good old days. i wanted to change my icon since i haven't done so in a while, and i was in a Dragon Ball mood. i found this old one back from my days being a user on Deck-Zone, back when the Dragon Ball Z Card Game was the absolute shit. still, i try not to worry about it anymore, but it brings back times when i had fun playing that game, and the friends you make. i'm beginning to see what Matt (Moroff) was talking about. sadly, you find that unlike people who play WoW or other computer games, we find that card game friends are somehow the closest. seriously, Jeremy, Adam, Zak, Josh (McMullen), Matt (Moroff), Shawn; they're like my best friends in the world, and it's because of a kid's game. it had me think back to the people i got to know from playing DBZ, especially Danny Bender who haven't seen, or heard much about, in a while. i never see him working at Wendy's anymore, but most likely at AB i'll see him. i just can't help but reminisce these days. Current Mood: nostalgic Current Music: "Things Will Go My Way" - The Calling (Comment on this)
Friday, November 9th, 2007
4:13 pm	Nothing seems to change in this world. However, it's expressing these changes I'm discovering that has gotten me something. Apparantly, when I was online one day, I got bored and I was finding something to do. I saw my friend, Jenzabar, created her own little South Park character that looks just like her. I knew I wanted one. When I finally made it, the site was doing survey shit, and I was like, "Aww, gay." However, I did one thing because I wanted my character, and what I did was submit a poem. I type it myself which was the rule, and it apparantly now gets to be published in a book. The funny thing was that I was just down that day and decided to just go at it. The book it's being published in is called Immortal Verses (how creative -.-), and I'm trying to see whether it's legit. It seems that way, but I have been deceived. The book itself costs $50, and I could pay an additional $25 to put in a 100 word biography or theme or meaning behind the poem. For those of you who are curious about it, click onto my MySpace and I posted a bulletin about it. I'll try and get it on Facebook, but one step at a time. Simply put; YAY ME! Current Mood: confused Current Music: "Defeated" - Comeback Kid (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 5th, 2007
7:27 pm	i totally forgot about this. this commercial was funny when i first saw it, but i died laughing watching it now. it's one of those banned commercials that apparantly never got on TV, but it's so close to the truth. seriously, it's effective for me! (Comment on this)
4:09 pm	Well, this weekend sure was interesting. It was, once again, another pre-release weekend. Somehow, this is where all the drama in card games gathers. Nill does his usual overspending like he always does, and the whole "My parents are gonna kill me; let me borrow money" thing. Adam didn't get to judge with me at either Johnston, RI or Brighton, MA because of a mistake on Alex's part. However, I felt good judging, and got the packs out of it. I pulled some good things, and am making the effort to get rid of some of the holos for a little cash. I've needed more than usual, only because of the holiday things I'd like to get prepared for. Plus, I ended up losing my prized deck while I was out there. I'm a little discouraged, but it just shows I need to be more careful with what I have. All of my friends, Adam, Jeremy, and especially Josh (my Crystal Beast rival) were willing to help. Josh is willing to toss a few rares needed which helps. Adam was willing to give me a few staples needed for it. However, Jeremy's all, "I'll make it all up, cheapest I can find, and charge ridiculous money". Not his exact words, but it was the vibe I got. Jeremy's just been really irritating me lately with a lot of things he does. He's overobsessed with cards (more for the money), he never wants to spend money on food (why is beyond me), and lately he's been a freakin' wife beater to Chantelle. besides, you know it's bad between them when she comes crying to you because of Jeremy telling her things he hates about her. Jeremy, HOW FUCKIN' SELF-CENTERED CAN YOU BE?!! In reality, there's nothing good about him, and he believes money is the root of all happiness. He thinks Zak is the luckiest kid of them all. However, if he really knew what goes on in that house, hopefully he'd realize it's not all great having money. Dave struggles with the business and finds it hard to go out. When him and Pam do however, Pam gets drunk off her ass coming home. When this all happens, Pam and Dave start to fight. There close to the point of a divorce, but they don't want to scar the kids. There scarring the kids more by staying together, don't they get it? However, those kids are so self-centered themselves, and obviously think they're bad-ass. Those kids need to be beaten, but I hate how Pam and Dave think they're "good" parents by not beating their kids when they need to start damn well doing so. Jeremy doesn't think about these kinds of things. Like I said, it's only about him and holding on to his money. He feels if he has money, he'll be set for life. However, he also looks for freebie things every chance he gets. Really, he handles his friends and apparantly his girlfriend like we're people who should do things for him because of how he take care of us when it comes to CARDBOARD! Really, I wish Chantelle would just get away from him because we all know he's a self-centered prick. Like I said, when she cried with me, it makes you realize what kind of person Jeremy is. In reality, I see him as my Dad, but acts more feminine and hides the fact that he'll one day turn out gay and leave Chantelle for some guy named Jim. I've ranted enough, because too much about things have been plaguing my mind, and I need to vent every once and a while. I'd talk to Adam, but he's busy with his new job, and has to wake up ridiculously early (works at Dunkin' Donuts and worls from 4am-8am before school). Anywho, thanks for listening once again... Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: "I Fucking Hate You" - Godsmack (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 25th, 2007
7:13 pm	i'm such a wuss okay, last night, i was hanging with a few friends helping my friend Maddi set up for her Halloween party (which i really don't feel like going to). then after we get done, everyone decides to watch 28 Weeks Later, and i've never been so scared out of my mind after watching a movie before. i couldn't get to sleep without the idea that something like that had happened to my old man and he was gonna tear into my fucking face. seriously, that was scary shit! i don't handle blood well at all i figured, because it was that even made me freaked out. and those eyes, it matched the blood that dripped from their mouths. it was so fucking wrong. i mean, i could watch again, because now i know what to expect. if i'm not prepared, then yeah, i'm gonna get freaked out. i was fine when i woke up today, but my god. i never had such a hard time getting to sleep. i need help when it comes to horror movies, or someone who can be scared with me. however, i know people are quick to give shit, like Tuna (dumb fat fuck). anyways, i'm over it now, but now i can't get the sick image out of my head. Current Mood: scared Current Music: "Living Dead Girl" - Rob Zombie (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007
8:58 pm	yay! i picked up Seether's new album today and I already love it. I got the chance to see them on Saturday too, and that was awesome too. seriously, these guys are so good, yet so underrated. but oh well, everyone has their particular bands they like and dislike. on top of that, i find they had their first recordings as a band known as Saron Gas, which included some of the tracks found on Seether albums today. however, they had other songs i have yet to even hear. however, i'm sure if anyone has it, it has to be Mike. anything Seether, leave it to him. anywho, i've ranted enough. SEETHER ROCKS!!! Current Mood: excited Current Music: Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces - Seether (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 21st, 2007
5:34 pm	well, i'm home again, and i feel so bored right now... seriously, it's the kinda bored where all you want to do is sleep. now i know how Jeremy feels. however, i'm not as money crazy (you bitch over losing 2 fuckin dollars! big whoop). really, i just feel kinda weird in a way. i met with Nick for old time sake, and it was actually pretty cool. we spoke of things going on lifewise, workwise, and peoplewise. i feel bad him and Alissa couldn't work, but i guess you have to be in the other's shoes. she's apparantly at Amherst (so, you know what she's doing), and i guess things couldn't work long distance for them. what can you do? anyways, it was cool meeting up with him, because i hardly see anyone from back home, and it's nice to have those nostalgic moments with some people. however, it greatly goes against my "i hate going home" thing. still, it'd be great catching up more or so, because you never know what people are doing until you get to hear it. Current Mood: tired Current Music: "Changes" - 3 Doors Down (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 17th, 2007
10:18 am	Damn it! Damn it!! Damn it!!! Okay, I was looking through my French dictionary. I was looking up the word "hooked" (as to be hooked on something, addicted to), and I saw "hook up" and it said (to meet someone for sex). Damn it, Carrie! Why do you always have to be right? Oh well, at least I know not to use hook up now. Seriously, how is it I suck at knowing words? Current Mood: amused Current Music: "The State of Massachusetts" - Dropkick Murphys (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, October 12th, 2007
11:27 pm	well, for all i know the party may not even happen which makes me kind of despressed. oh well, other weekends i'm sure. Natalie had too much going on to even consider making the dinner, but she thinks she can make the party. however, she has work the next morning which kind of sucks, which means she can't even stay there. if Natalie doesn't go, Andrew won't go, and if neither of them go, i'm alone. again, next time. hopefully, we'll actually have a plan for the next one. if a plan can still be made, i'll do it. hopefully, it'll be alright. Current Music: "Real World" - Matchbox 20 (Comment on this)
Friday, October 5th, 2007
5:11 pm	another day goes on, another thing has to go on. after a while, this just gets too weird for me. however, i haven't felt this way in a long time. seriously, let's take a minute to think about things, but i can't. i just can't. i'm too out of my mind to even think this whole thing through. i know i'll figure it out at some point sooner or later. oh yeah, as an update for those of you who want to know what's going on with me, i'm seeing Dane Cook on November 17th. i have 2 tickets still, but i'm sure i'll find someone. however, i don't think i'll just be giving them away. most likely, Jenzabar bought some, and i could wind up going with her. i could sell off mine for more when the time grows closer. it's defintely gonna be intense for a comedy show. i'm definitely looking forward to it. Current Mood: excited Current Music: "Magic Dance" - David Bowie (Comment on this)
Monday, October 1st, 2007
3:18 pm	filling in here from school. i'm here because i was getting some tutoring done, and meeting with Dr. Sommers here on campus. thanks to him, i have access to a tape recorder for any my lecture classes. this will greatly help me in French because i don't get half the stuff in that class. Psychology, i don't need it for as much, but it'll be nice in case i need it. last night, i visited my home in Mattapoisett, which is something i don't do so often, because i find it's weird for me to be home sometimes. anyways, when i got there, my mother gave me something from her trip from Paris. i was expecting something French originated, but it turned out to be a French Manga. it's pretty interesting in my eyes, but it's more trying to decifer what is being said first. reading aloud will help my conversation. after i got it, she told about a place in Paris called the Manga Cafe, and it looks pretty cool. here's the link for those of you interested: http://www.mangacafe.fr/ i could see myself hanging out there often if i were in France, but it falls under my problem with conversation before i do. i'd like to try and have a mastery of my language before i ever consider going. i do enough to embaress myself and people around me, and i don't need to mess up my French. Current Mood: content Current Music: "Times Like These" - Foo Fighters (Comment on this)
Friday, September 28th, 2007
6:02 pm	Alright, let's do this. Basically, I felt like staying at home tonight. I don't really feel like spending a lot of money tonight, nor do i feel hanging out with anyone. I could go see Dragon Wars with Jen since she invited me, but it falls under the money thing. Maybe when I figure it out more or so. Anyways, I'm good for a while here at home. Current Music: DBZ (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 27th, 2007
7:24 pm	School! Okay, this sucks. Class is breaking right now, and I really feel like shit. I just wanna go home, but I know Dad will give me crap for coming home early. I have no choice but to wait out. However, that's another 2 and a half hours from now. Fuck off! I'll deal somehow, only because I have to. Just after a while, this gets too tiresome. However, it has to be done. Anyways, on to other school things. Graphic Production & Layout: This class.. sucks!! It meets once a week, goes for 3 1/2 hours (6:00pm-9:30pm), and all you do for homework is to be on the school computers in order to even do the work. This just seriously sucks! Intermediate French I: It's not a terrible class, but it's not enjoyable either. However, I realize I'm to blame for that. I need help in grasping conversation and verb comprehension. I already made a lineup with a tutor for the next month, which is good. What makes this just weird is that my tutor is someone from my class. A fellow student. She mainly helps people in Elementary French, which can't be so bad. Maybe I just need a review. Hopefully, I'll get it again. Adolescent Psycholgy: Now this class, I have zero problems with. This class is so much fun... or, not fun, but very interesting. I find that I can connect a lot with the lessons in this class. I hope to do well with this class. However, my mall observation went bad for it, since Galleria had to be dead that night, and Nill decided to come and bring his touch of death. Emo fuck! I hope this year will be good. I won't let my parents down, and I can't let myself down. I promise, I will not fail! Current Mood: sick Current Music: "Boom Boom Dollar" - DDR 2nd Mix (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 6th, 2007
12:57 pm	well, i may have had only one class as of now, but i'm enjoying being back at school. the feeling is so nostalgic, just getting to walk around and what not. unfortunately, i don't get the same teacher for French as the course promises, but she still seems alright. hopefully, everything will be alright continuing my day throughout. the only thing that kills is that i found yesterday is that my mother leaves for Paris on Monday. i just couldn't believe she didn't ask me if i wanted to go. she takes my sister but not me. yeah, they know how to punish their kids. i can't wait to see how they reward their kids. anywho, suppose i best get a move on since my next class is at 2. Carrie, i hope things continue to go well for you too if your reading this. i hope i get the oppurtunity to see you this weekend. if not, it'll definitely be the next one. Current Mood: nostalgic Current Music: "Living Dead Girl" - Rob Zombie (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 29th, 2006
9:46 pm	1. What do you think of me, iPod? “Porno Creep” Korn (Life Is Peachy) 2. Will I have a happy life? “Motivation” Sum 41 (All Killer, No Filler) 3. What do my friends really think of me? “Repeat Offender” Trapt (Someone In Control) 4. Do people secretly lust after me? “Suck My Kiss” Red Hot Chili Peppers (Greatest Hits) 5. What does my boy/girlfriend think of me? “The Ghost Woman and The Hunter” Lacuna Coil (Comalies) 6. How can I make myself happy? “Give Me Novacaine” Green Day (American Idiot) hehe, so true XD 7. What should I do with my life? “Beg For Me” Korn (Issues) 8. Why must life be so full of pain? “Hero of the Day” Metallica (Load) makes sense 9. How can I maximize my pleasure during sex? “Strange World (2000 Remake)” Push (damn you, Carrie XD) 10. Will I ever have children? “Our Truth” Lacuna Coil (Karmacode) 11. Will I die happy? “Devour” Disturbed (Believe) 12. Can you give me some good advice? “Kids In America” Len (Digimon Soundtrack) ~_~ ..let’s not talk about this 13. Do you know where your children are? “Accidentally In Love” Counting Crows (Shrek 2) …okaaayyy 14. What do you think happiness is? “Empty Space” Lifehouse (Stanley Climbfall) 15. What is the meaning of life? “Soldier’s Side” System of a Down (Hypnotize) …wait, i should go to war and wait for Jesus then? O.o ..i guess it won’t be bad 16. What is going to happen to me tomorrow? “Whisper” Evanescence (Fallen) goodie, I get the bad version (Origin kicks ass) 17. One secret I would never tell? “Tongue” Seether (Karma & Effect) …this seems quite logical with this question ....k, i really am kinda thinking into all this too much, especially how accidentally in love is gonna tell me where my kids are XD Current Mood: confused as all hell Current Music: "Tongue" Seether (4 Comments |Comment on this)